It took Oscar an entire week to conjure a response to his mother, as stringing together the words he felt he needed to make his intent clear was not an simple task. Part of his soul, again, wished to forget this second letter, not to mention the first, as pieces of a disturbing dream dismissed upon the rise of a new day. He wished to cast all this family nonsense behind him and continue to move toward a prosperous future ahead. Yet that nagging draw of responsibility, to be a son to his parents and a brother to his siblings, it still cried out to him for attention.
Even so, he weighed in the balances
the good life he saw to come with Anna Jane there in California with the
farming existence he cared nothing for back in Kansas. He wrote to his mother, and emphatically,
once more, told her he would not be returning to his home state. He now had a girlfriend named Anna Jane
Welch, and they were planning on marrying soon.
He then proceeded to write his
mother a lengthy epistle on all he had learned in his journey to become a
mechanic, and he told her of all the opportunity developing for him there in
Long Beach – yet his mother read none of it.
Her focus, when she read his letter for herself, rested solely upon the
name of Anna Jane Welch; and within the next few weeks, Anna Jane found her own
letter from Oscar’s mother awaiting her in the mailbox.
Within the text of this letter,
Oscar’s mother congratulated her on the wedding plans she and her son
entertained; and she offered, what she referred to as a “fine little cottage” in which the two could start their married
life. Young couples often needed a bit
of help from their older generation. She
and her husband helped Oscar’s brothers when they moved from the family
home. Every son received eighty acres to
farm; and each of the girls received a piano.
Perhaps, Oscar had mentioned learning to play piano from his sister
Vesta. Let them help the two of them as
well.
She then went on to describe the
land on which this “fine little cottage”
was located. The still teenage Anna
Jane was enamored by what she read. There
was a humble grandeur in how the woman’s words implied, as if a picture of life
out of a fairy tale, the perfectly ideal place to begin their life together. “Cottage”
caused her to imagine a quaint little home, surrounded by verdant woods, with
the forest creatures of deer, and rabbits, and whatever else might creep
timidly from out of the trees, seeking a morsel or two from her hands. Deer and rabbits could be found in Kansas;
couldn’t they?
Though close to the age, Anna Jane
was beyond the childish mindset of any giddy schoolgirl – if it ever manifested
itself within her character at all. Rather,
she was thought by all as a well-grounded young woman who carried more of the
pioneering woman spirit of her ancestors than any superficial flippancy of
others her age who were absent that same hands-in-the-soil/feet-on-the-ground trait. Nevertheless, juxtaposing the idyllic imagery
of what Oscar’s mother described awaiting them in Kansas, with the impoverished
farms she remembered growing up on from Colorado, it did cause her to
wonder. Is it possible Kansas farms
might offer something better?
Oscar’s mother wrote of how good
the land was. She described the warm and
inviting character of the house. Family
was everywhere. Oscar’s brothers, and
sisters, and uncles, and aunts, and cousins – they were all at hand. No better place on earth could a new bride
feel like she belonged.
The mention of family within the
letter recalled to Anna Jane’s mind the sudden loss of her own. She was still a gregarious person who thrived
on the familiarity of other people within her environment. Yes, she knew people in Long Beach, people
whose company she truly enjoyed; but none of it was the same as family. There still was her brother Eddie, of course;
yet the absence of her other siblings, the tragic deaths of her sisters Leana
Belle and Maude (both within weeks of one
another), the disappearance of her eldest sister Flora a few years later (some people said murder; no one knew for sure),
it all compounded, one heartbreak on top of the next, stirring such a void in
this young woman’s soul who needed something more than the transient behavior
of people known one day and forgotten the next.
Yes, she was making a living for
herself; and Oscar was making a living for himself; and when they finally
married, the same opportunities across the horizon he saw, she also could see. There existed a promise of a bright and
prosperous future ahead. Yet, was that
enough? Was not the hope to belong somewhere,
to truly be part of an environment where you fit like the last piece of a
puzzle joyously discovered, did this not eclipse all else? How could one ever establish enduring
relationships with other people if you lived absent the deep personal relationships
which signified family?
The ocean was beautiful. Its seeming endlessness, its limitless
stretch farther than her eyes could see was a sublime experience of which she
never tired. Walking along the beaches
barefoot; her shoes dangling from her hands; the sand creeping in between her
toes; the waves of the ocean water cascading over her ankles and feet, who
would not wish to experience such things day after day after day? To welcome the dawn as the sun rose across
the water? It was such a tender touch of
God’s grace upon the frailty of the human soul.
The pull of family, however, was
strong. So many brothers, and sisters,
cousins, uncles, aunts. None of Anna
Jane’s extended family accompanied them on their journey from Missouri into
Colorado. Most remained still in
Missouri; many she did not even know.
Any person holding the Goad surname might be a relation; but if they
were, she never knew for certain.
Over the course of the next several
weeks, Oscar and Anna Jane carried on many long discussions over moving to
Kansas or remaining where they were in California. Anna Jane was not saying they should leave;
she was neither saying they should stay.
She clearly knew not the best course of action to take. She merely saw the promise of land and a home
as significant enough for consideration, something with which Oscar could not
argue. He knew, despite the future
appearing bright, the possibility of actually owning his own land, with a home
where they could raise a family - such a reality for them in California where
they currently were, that hope still lied years away.
What of his difficulties with his
family? Oscar shared Anna Jane’s
emphasis on family; he believed family was to be valued. He was just tired of the constant slights,
the absence of relevance in anything he did or said. Why step backward to a family who gave no
regard to his ideas, never asked for his input, and viewed him as nothing more
than the runt of a little brother?
Anna Jane reminded him he would be
returning with a bride. He understood
the workings of an engine better than anyone now. His hard work over the past few years had
proven as much. His ability to take an
engine apart, put it back together, and make it sing with the rush of wind
through her hair was a true exhilaration the people of Kansas had yet to
know. Surely such accomplishments would
garner him some measure of respect. And
returning with a wife? One who would be
married before all the family, as is proper and is good? How could they not see him in a different and
brand new light?
As to the farm, there was no
mandate it had to be a farm. They could
eventually get for themselves a few chickens and maybe some cows, but the land
itself could lie fallow. Oscar could
instead build a garage to service all the automobiles and farm vehicles in the
county. Maybe one day, they could even
build onto the land a pond to remind them of their days gazing out at the
ocean.
Now in regards to his immediate
family - if there were still problems – did Oscar not have an abundance of
cousins? Were there not nieces and nephews
spread out all across Dickinson County? Would
he not grow weary trying to name all of his uncles, and great uncles, all of
his aunts, and great aunts? If nothing
was changed with the family he knew, could he not turn to this extended family
for the help when needs would arise?
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