Today is my birthday; and as birthday should signify the start and beginning of something new, I plan to work this birthday as the beginning of a new me. High falutin, esoteric words of 21st century mumbo jumbo, perhaps; but the way I view things, if I am ever to make a change in my life for the better, to grow as an individual into the traits and characteristics I desire, to learn what is required for access into the game (of life), what better time to begin on such a quest than on one's own day of birth?
A week ago last Friday, after three-and-a-half months of traveling nowhere in my car, I decided, in celebration and acknowledgment of my car reaching 200,000 miles, I would make a trip over to Gypsum Kansas to visit my cousin Lois. She works at the Southeast of Saline School district office; and it had been nearly three years since last we saw each other. There are probably twenty or so cousins on my mother's side of the family, but Lois is the only with whom I have had any recent contact - and that is primarily due to my sister's connection. If not for my sister, I undoubtededly would have little contact with Lois either; which brings me around to my point...
Lois was not at work that Friday when I visited her office; yet a coworker called her number to inform her of my visit. Within the ensuing phone conversation, Lois tells me of the upcoming family Christmas celebration. It happens every December, of which I knew, but I had not attended for the past number of years. My mother loved to do so; but at some point I began to feel out of place. These were members of my family, yet I didn't feel as if I belonged. There were more and more unfamiliar faces, which made it uncomfortable sitting in a room with a growing number of people I didn't know. I regret such a thing today. I should have made more of an effort to learn who all my cousins, and great aunts and uncles were.
Which brings me to today. Being that the day was also my birthday, and being that days of celebration have lost luster over the years, I wished to do something different, I desired to use the day in a way different than what a normal Sunday would run for me.
This trip to Gypsum, to see members of my mother's side of the family I did not know, it seemed ideal.
However, my normal reticence still lurks about, seeking to pull me downward into the shadow of my typical insular, wallflower self; for when I arrived at the church where they would be meeting, I was nervous. I was ready to turn the car around and drive back the way I came. It would not be the first time I gave into the intimidation. Comfort and surety are pleasant realms to dwell within. There are no threats; there is no danger; there's no embarrassment.
There is also no joy or fulfillment. There is no sense of accomplishment for a new venture risked. There is no growth, as there is no learning of new things, from new people met and new things seen. I was nervous; and I was scared; but I made the decision to set aside all the unknown (what if I walked inside, and nobody knew who I was?), stepped out from the comfort and solitude of my car, and moved my body inside and through the first set of doors my eyes saw.
It was a wonderfully blessed couple hours I am so happy I forced the bold step forward into taking.
What's next are more such steps. This blog, I plan to maintain as an exercise in my writing craft. I know I am not the world's greatest writer, but I know I can write; and themore I do so, the better I shall become.
This exercise shall lead to a resurrection in my book reviews. They have suffered seriously over the course of this past year. It shall also thrust me into my long dormant stories. If I am to be a writer, I need to write; and thus I shall...
